Thursday, September 11, 2014

... from thence he shall come

Thirteen years ago, our nation experienced an horrific act of violence when men who claimed to act on behalf of God hijacked planes and flew them into the World Trade Center and Pentagon. The intersection of religious zealotry, politics, and the nihilism of a Middle Eastern underclass conspired to destroy and kill on 9/11/2001.

I was the mother of two young daughters that day. I watched the events unfold live on television in a surreal nightmare of waking time. Everything would change ... but what that meant was not clear. My immediate thoughts were how to explain the unexplainable to a three-year old and a seven-year old. Hell, I didn't even know how to explain this to myself! There are no words to make sense of senselessness. I grieved that two little girls were exposed to such a horror as this and dreaded what it would mean for the world they would know.

Thirteen years have passed. My little girls are not little anymore: one is in college and the other a junior in high school. They have only known of their country at war and yet a war largely ignored and hidden from their eyes. The body counts and images of Vietnam I grew up with on television are replaced by the denial of "reality TV." Pictures of the caskets of our war dead taken when they arrived at Dover AFB ... suppressed in the media. War is a unreal reality for them and they do not know its cost.

What have we learned in thirteen years? I still do not know exactly. We've learned to be more polarized - "us" versus "them." We do it in our politics and in how we view foreigners. We've learned that our soldiers and their families pay a horrible price for being sent to fight when we don't always have a clear understanding of who the enemy is. We've learned that many of the factions we once sided with are now against us. We've internalized more violence and seen it spill into how we treat each other as we watch professional athletes beat their intimate partners or shoot them in bathrooms as they cower in fear or see those charged to protect us shooting unarmed youth. We are an anxious, fearful nation - a collective raw nerve.

I have no answers ... only grief and lament. Not only for the dead on 9/11 and for all who have died on both sides of wars that seem not to end, but also for the death of the world I once knew.

I cannot shake the old wording of the Apostle's Creed that I learned as a small child. Concerning our belief in Jesus Christ, we said he was:
... conceived by the Holy Ghost,
born of the Virgin Mary,
suffered under Pontius Pilate,
was crucified, died, and was buried.
He descended into hell.
On the third day he rose again from the dead.
He ascended into heaven,
and sitteth at the right hand of God the Father almighty.
From thence he shall come to judge the quick and the dead.
I doubt the existence of hell or heaven as places, per se. Rather, I believe they are states of existence in which we live - and it is much of our own making. We either live in the presence and awareness of God (heaven) or we reject and estrange ourselves from the presence of God (hell). But regardless of my own understanding ... I still pray that from the "heavenly thence" Christ will come to judge the quick and the dead and I long for the day when that which seems irreparably broken will be healed and set right.

Friday, August 15, 2014

When words fail

Dr. Wil Gafney just posted a blog entry on this Summer of Horror. It struck me because she's touched on something I have experienced - the magnitude of suffering and violence we are experiencing right now.

We have watched the Middle East explode in violence. ISIS in Iraq is slaughtering Christians. Our brother in Christ The Rev. Andrew White, the Anglican Vicar of Baghdad, is continuing to minister to the few Christians left and is desperately giving voice to the horror in his midst.

We have watched the violence erupt between Israel and the Palestinians in Gaza. Given the support of the United States, Israel's ability to annihilate the Palestinians is very real. The relationships between Israel and the Palestinians is complicated, to be sure yet neither side is innocent. Just because Israel gives the Palestinians in Gaza 24 hour notice that their neighborhood will be bombed into oblivion doesn't mean they are somehow more "humane" than Hamas. The 29 disabled children and 9 elderly women being cared for at Holy Family Roman Catholic Church in Zeitun could not evacuate prior to the planned bombing. Regardless of whether the church was hit or not, this was an act of war and terror against the powerless and vulnerable. My government and tax dollars are complicit in this war.

This week, we have watched Ferguson Missouri explode in racial violence. Regardless of who started what, another unarmed black teen is dead. On the heels of this, police in riot gear escalating the protest into violence ... shooting rubber bullets at a female pastor praying - unarmed, hands up and invoking the name of Jesus.

There is horror and helplessness sitting side by side for me today. The problems bigger than anything I can do. I am outraged and pained to witness such suffering ... and standing without the power, influence or expertise to do anything but cry out to God. Lament is all there is left and we do not do this well in our culture.

Habakkuk, who prophesied to the Israelites before the Babylonian exile, opens his oracle with these words:
O Lord, how long shall I cry for help, and you will not listen? Or cry to you "Violence!" and you will not save? Why do you make me see wrongdoing and look at trouble? Destruction and violence are before me; strife and contention arise. So the law becomes slack and justice never prevails. The wicked surround the righteous— therefore judgment comes forth perverted.
How long, O Lord? Indeed ... how long ...

Monday, July 14, 2014

The Spirituality of Giving ... Or Not Giving

It's been said we are living in a "post-Christian" era - or at least one where the institutional church is losing its influence. Notice I haven't said the Gospel is losing its influence ... not at all. The Gospel is still powerful, life changing, crazy radical and is needed now more than ever! What's waning is the idea of church as a massive, institutional structure which is heavily invested in maintaining its influence, power and wealth. Don't get me wrong, there will be some kind of Church in the future, but I'm hopeful it will be one which finds the balance between necessary organizational structures and getting out and doing what Jesus told us to do. We kid ourselves if we think we need no organizational structure! If we ditch all structures, we won't be able to organize a "piss off in a pub." But a movement towards being a Church which is more nimble and responsive to the real needs in our communities would, I believe, bring glory to God and the Gospel.

That being said, even becoming a more nimble responsive Church will still require resources for mission and ministry. These resources fall into two categories: the time/talent of people and money. Now most of us in the Church would rather talk about time/talent than money. We're pretty squeamish on talking about money and it is the primary complaint you hear from non-church goers who say all we talk about is money. Well ... Jesus talked a lot about money too! There are more teachings about our healthy relationship with money and not being fearful about God's provision for us than any other kind of teaching in the New Testament. Seriously.

As soon as I was ordained, Beloved Husband and I took the leap to tithing our income and never looked back (for the non-churchy folks who might read this, the Biblical tithe is 10% of your income given to the work of God). Not that we weren't scared to do this (we were) but I figured if I talked about the tithe from the pulpit, I better back my words with action. You know, put up or shut up ... or "don't write a check with your mouth that your ass can't cash." I have taken the message of proportional giving and the tithe into every congregation I have served - it's part of being ordained. Where I serve, we have people who are on-board with proportional financial giving and working up to a tithe, several who tithe as some who give offerings over and above the tithe. These folks have had the conversion of heart to see that "our money" is not really ours - it is God's. We are stewards of our resources and by giving first to God's work in the Church, it sets the pattern for other resource decisions we make.

What I find disturbing is when people cut their time/talent and financial giving to the church abruptly with no apparent reason.

Make no mistake: there is always a reason. Generally, I've found they fall into one of two categories, both of which are spiritual issues. The first is a genuine financial crisis: catastrophic illness or the loss of a job or business. These things happen and sadly people are often too embarrassed to tell their priest about it. If anything, this is the time to let your priest or pastor know what is happening! We can often confidentially connect you with resources to help get you through as well as help you sort out where God is in the chaos. We may or may not be able to fix the situation, but your clergy cannot do anything if we don't know.

The other main reason people cut their giving to the church is because of conflict - they are mad about something. They don't agree with a church council vote, or they are mad at the national church about a position taken on a hot button topic, or they are mad at the clergy. I won't lie - I've done it myself when I was younger. You know, "I'll show you! I'll cut my pledge!" Well, now that I'm older and living on the other side of the collar, I want to share with you what I've learned about this approach ...

It doesn't work.

That's right ... it doesn't work ... and here's why:

Say you are mad at the national church for their position on a hot button topic and you decided to stop giving to your local church. Well, at the national level, the leadership really doesn't have a clue what you've done and really never will. The amount of your local financial support that reaches this level is ... well ... minuscule. It doesn't really even register on their financial Richter scale. Now, if you were to withhold say, $10 million from a major project ... you might get somebody's attention. Short of that, you probably won't.

But let's get local and say you are mad at your clergy and you decide to withhold your financial giving. I can speak for the Episcopal Church (since I serve there) and tell you once again it doesn't really work ... at least not in the way you think it does. They way our Constitution and Canons are written, paying the priest of the parish is the first obligation of the congregation. Everything and everyone else falls in line after that. So, if you withhold your money, you really end up hurting yourself and all the people sitting next to you in the pews. Why? Because for lack of money programs will be cut, staff positions will be cut and even the utility bills will go unpaid before the priest's pay is affected. Now technically it is true that the vestry can vote to cut the priest's pay. In the almost 40 years I've been in the Episcopal Church, I have never seen this happen ... not once. I'm sure it has somewhere, but I've personally never witnessed it. Suffice it to say, this is a rare outcome. While the polity is different in other denominations, it is likely the mechanisms still favor keeping the clergy in the local congregation in some way, shape or form.

So what are you to do if you find yourself unable to support your church with time/talent or money because you are upset with its position on an issue or you have a problem with your clergy? Rather than just cutting your giving, which likely won't resolve anything, allow me to suggest a Benedictine approach which is spiritually healthier for you and the Church.

First, pray about what is really bothering you. Prayer is one of the five practices of Benedictine spirituality (the others are work, study, hospitality and renewal). I suggest this is a good time to seek out a spiritual director or counselor who can help you get clarity on what the real issue is for you. Ask yourself a few key questions:

  • Is this something worth compromising the mission and ministry this congregation?
  • Would I want to see programs which spread the Gospel be cut over this?
  • How will cutting back my giving hurt the other members of this church family?
  • If I leave here to go to a church where my position is better supported, would that place cause me to compromise deeply held beliefs on other issues?

If in your spiritual work you find it is a personality issue between you and your clergy, it may do well to consider if Christ is calling you to step beyond your ego to do what is best for your congregation and community. I know, that's a tall order, but daily dying to our selfish egos is partly what Jesus meant when he told us to take up our cross and follow him. Maybe your irritation is a stirring of the Holy Spirit indicating a call to conversion of heart. Also remember your clergy will not be in your congregation forever. We are "plug and pray" and will at some point move on.
As a side note: I am not condoning putting up with clergy abuse and, sadly, this does at times happen. If you are truly being abused, and a good spiritual director or therapist can help you sort that out, get out and report the abusive clergy to the proper authorities!
Second, once you have some clarity about what is really going on, pray about how to approach this with your leadership ... and then do so in holy conversation. If you feel like you cannot speak directly with your clergy, talk to a trusted lay leader initially. Notice I said, "a trusted lay leader" - as in the singular. The worst thing you can do is try to rally a group together to confront the clergy or governing board about your issue. Secret meetings to unseat the clergy or governing board, rants on social media, and behind the back gossip are not healthy ways to deal with anything. The widespread damage which results does not bring one ounce of glory to God! It only reinforces for non-church goers why they hate church! What kind of witness for Christ are you if you do that? Not a very good one, I'm afraid.

Be an intentional holy listener during your conversations. Remember, conversation and conversion come from the same root word in Latin: conversio. When we have real conversation, we leave ourselves open to conversion - to change and growth. Conversion of heart is part of Benedict's rule. Another part of Benedict's Rule is obedience which comes from the Latin word obedire meaning "to listen." This isn't blind obedience, but the holy listening to the counsel of another. Really listen to the other's position and try to put yourself in their shoes rather than trying to come up with your next rebuttal to what they are saying. You may not agree with them but at least try to understand it. This may challenge some of your deeply held beliefs and it will likely be uncomfortable, but stick with the process.

Third, after talking the issue over with your clergy or with a trusted lay leader, pray some more. Ask for guidance about a way forward. Do not be surprised if a way forward comes which isn't something you had imagined. Be open to creativity here - that's the Holy Spirit at work.

Finally, if after exhausting these options you feel like you cannot support your congregation with your time/talent or money, it may be time to take a break from this worshiping community for a season and find another communityThis is the last resort! Why? Because we are human and will tend to take the same old kit bag of unresolved issues to our new congregation and act out in the same ways all over again - just with different players in the game. St. Benedict knew this and it is why he made stability of life and community part of his monastic Rule. He knew that only in the messiness of sticking with relationships and working out our differences in an intimate community setting could the Holy Spirit accomplish the conversion of heart to become more like Christ. However, if this is a call to conversion, you may need another community in which to nurture that conversion for a season before you return.

We are the Church - not an institution but a living, breathing community of faith commissioned to spread the Gospel of Jesus Christ. We are all broken souls in need of the redemptive healing of Christ. But as St. Paul reminds us, "God loves a cheerful giver" (2 Corinthians 9:7) and in giving of time/talent and money, we are given the means to grow in spiritual maturity and generosity. In doing that, we can follow St. Benedict's charge to welcome all as Christ himself.